Three Goals, One Life, and the Truth About Success
- 6 hours ago
- 5 min read
Am I successful? What does success even mean? What is the deeper truth about success that the self help books have all missed?
I spent years researching self help books, taking courses, listening to audio programs and networking with life coaches and business entrepreneurs all over the country, yet still I couldn’t define what success was supposed to be for me. This article, inspired by coaching attempts to uncover the reality of success, and highlights that the journey is more important than the destination.
My own epiphany on the subject of success
If I look back at my career in policing and things I have achieved in my life I sometimes pinch myself. Was that really me? How did I manage that? Then I am reminded that yes, even I was successful. Sometimes as part of a team, sometimes flying solo, as it were.
Have you ever stopped and retraced your steps and had a similar experience? I realised that I have achieved success after success, yet I never felt, nor would I describe myself as successful.
“If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.” - Jim Rohn
A few years ago I was working with a results coach in London and realising that my biggest challenge at the time was that I was bored in my career. Things hadn’t worked out quite as well as I would have hoped. I’d set goals and practically achieved them all. But I was still unfulfilled and uncertain what direction to take.
Yes I had learnt a lot about myself, and yes I had still achieved personal growth. But I still felt a sense of being adrift. I still didn’t fully value myself for who I was, or what I had to offer. My coach helped me highlight three areas that I really wanted to experience in my career, but felt were completely out of reach. Three really big audacious goals:
To work on a major investigation of national importance, something like the Jill Dando murder investigation.
To work in the child abuse and investigation team, known as CAIT.
To work for the Professional Standards Directorate (PSD - otherwise known as “Internal Affairs”).
All three goals have a deep sense of justice and service. All have their own sense of complexity and challenge. Each option seemed completely out of my comfort zone. I had surprised myself that these had even shown up in the conversation.
I didn’t have certain skills. I handn’t gained practical experience. In my mind there was no way that I could get through a paper sift, let alone a face to face selection interview. To put it bluntly, I didn’t believe I was good enough. After the session I felt deflated having thrown these three seemingly unreasonable goals out to the universe.
Life changing results follow life changing decisions
A year later I decided to leave my police career and handed in my resignation. Have you ever noticed that the light appears when you come through a tunnel? Of course, you have to be looking forward. There is no point turning to the past whilst looking for a new dawn.
So there I was. Without a job. Without an income. Without a plan. Some would have said without a clue! But that isn’t entirely true, because I had already sown a few seeds.
“Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.” - Jim Rohn
What happened next is truly remarkable.
My first job after leaving London was to work for the Hillsborough Investigation based in Warrington. This was a major inquiry into the death of 95 Liverpool FC supporters at an FA cup match in Sheffield in 1989. You couldn’t find an investigation of greater national significance. I also launched my life coaching business on the side.
Hillsborough was great work which was both interesting and challenging. More importantly I met some great people working within the team. It was never meant to be permanent, and just over a year later I secured a return to Greater Manchester Police.
And wouldn’t you know it, my first posting was in the child protection team.
Now you might be forgiven for thinking “Two out of three aint bad,” but wait, there is more.
Stealing defeat from the jaws of victory
Within six months two major life changing events occurred. Firstly, I took ownership of a non-recent sex crime committed by former police officer. Secondly, my wife Lesley was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. That unexpected twist turned our lives upside down.
Although completely unrelated, these two events became intertwined and would dramatically change my outlook on life. The investigation into a former police officer led me to meet several old friends and colleagues who were then working within PSD. I was informed that they were about to advertise for team managers post and encouraged to apply. It seemed so soon after starting my police career again, and especially as I had a landed an incredible role in child abuse investigation. But such a move would give me far more capacity to take care of my wife.
I actually got pipped at the post on the interview but had passed the selection interview sufficiently to be considered for any upcoming vacancy. As it happens, a brand new role was in development behind the scenes. I was offered the job around month after my interview. That job was always destined to be mine. Call it right place right time. Call it coincidence. But I call it manifesting.
Within five years of my coaching sessions in London I had moved home to Manchester and completed all three of those big audacious goals. Whilst that might be somewhat impressive, the big thing for me, was that they all came almost effortlessly. I didn’t have to force anything or strive for anything. It just came to me. In fact, I hadn't even noticed it all play out until a client asked me if I had ever made any goals of my own.
“The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become. Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.” - Jim Rohn
How could I possibly think I wasn’t successful?
Every turn comes with pro’s and cons. Yes I have had a terrific career and achieved some brilliant things, but ultimately it cost me the love of my life. I lost my wife to cancer in 2025, and life will never be the same again. If I measure my life honestly, the greatest success I ever had was loving and being loved by Lesley.
Success isn’t measured in positions held or investigations completed. It isn’t defined by titles, accolades, or even the goals we once believed were out of reach. It’s measured in growth. In resilience. In who you become when life stretches you beyond what you ever imagined you could endure.
I achieved three major career goals that once felt impossible. But the real transformation didn’t happen in an interview room or an investigation office. It happened beside a hospital bed. It happened in quiet moments of fear, love, strength, and surrender.
Lesley’s illness didn’t just change my circumstances, it changed my perspective on everything. It stripped success back to what truly matters. Presence. Love. Character. The ability to stand steady when life asks the most of you.
I once thought success was something to chase. Now I know it’s something you recognise in who you become, in how you show up, and in the legacy of love you carry forward.
Your story holds moments like that too. Moments where you were braver than you realised. Stronger than you gave yourself credit for. The question is, are you willing to look back, connect the dots, and finally recognise the success you’ve already lived?
With all that in mind, what will you become?
Tony Healer
Personal Breakthrough Specialist
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